


lost boy

by hqdeku



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Death, F/M, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Hurt Peter Parker, Kidnapping, Pain, Peter Parker Has Nightmares, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Poor Life Choices, Reader-Insert, Stalking, im sorry, my bad - Freeform, my hand slipped, pain just pain, peter parker x reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:02:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25438876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hqdeku/pseuds/hqdeku
Summary: based on "lost boy" by troye sivan.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	lost boy

**Author's Note:**

> this was sumn i wrote a couple years back ! i decided to rewrite, so here we are. hope u enjoy:) this is before avengers infinity war n endgame.

_ring, ring, ring._

the call goes to voicemail after a few rings. groaning, you call again, the sound of ringing echoing through your room.

“ _hi, this is parker, peter, wait, that’s not right, it’s peter! p-parker, please leave uh, a voicemail?”_

your boyfriend’s voice sounds through the room, but it makes you frown as it takes you to voicemail again. you try again, but it sends you to voicemail immediately. _is he flaking out again? seriously?_

you end the call, not wanting to blow up his phone with more voicemails. you had already left some and you didn’t want to seem clingy. _not that he minds_. worry settles in the pit of your stomach, but you shake it off. glancing at the clock, you notice it’s getting late and your boyfriend is nowhere to be found.

“damnit, peter, where are you?” you ask out loud, sighing as you realize he isn’t going to show up. _jerk, we must get this project done by tomorrow! i knew i should’ve reminded him today in class._

plopping down on your desk chair, you start to work on peter’s and your chemistry project, letting the noise of the busy queens’ streets block out your thoughts. unbeknownst to you, peter is in the middle of fighting a new villain.

air whizzes behind peter as he frantically swings from building to building, ducking under clotheslines and cruising over patios. the end tail of a semi-truck shoots past his head, making him duck and forcefully land on a gravel-filled rooftop. he rolls over on his stomach, flipping up quickly to look around for the goblin.

“over here, pretty boy,” his deep voices hisses behind peter, and before peter can react, goblin has him on the ground, his hand wrapped tightly around his throat. peter’s body digs painfully into the jagged rocks below him, drawing out a small hiss from him. peter slyly pulls his knees up to his chest, kicking goblin in the stomach, launching him off his frame and somewhere onto the roof of the next building.

“that’s _enough,_ ” peter growls before he takes a running jump into the air, deploying large webs to hold goblin down on the roof. he lands hard on goblin’s chest, dragging out a deep gasp from goblin’s throat as the air is forcefully squeezed from his lungs. a hoarse, terrifying chuckle trickles from his throat under the pressure of peter’s knee.

“you know, peter,” goblin drawls, smirking. peter’s breath catches in his throat at the mention of his name, making him freeze on the stop. “y/n is _very_ pretty.”

peter’s eyes widen as soon as your name comes out from goblin’s mouth, his blood going cold. “w-what? h-how did you-”

goblin headbutts peter faster than he can blink, sending peter flying over the edge of the building. he lands in a dumpster, the bags of garbage softening the impact. before he can even process his next thought, he’s picked up by his neck, the air forcefully getting squeezed out of his throat by the tightening grip.

goblin’s head tilts to the side as he holds peter in midair. peter kicks his legs, hands making grabbing motions at his neck. goblin tsks, “i’ve been watching you for weeks now, and you’re really not that big of a threat all these insignificant imbeciles make you seem. you’re real clumsy and naive. and emotionally attached to a _girl?_ ”

“w-what, you’d rather it be a b-boy?” peter wheezes out, before gasping when goblin tightens his grip on his throat.

“c’mon peter, you know that’s not what i mean. dating...it’s a weakness, spidey! you should be more careful when slipping inside your _girlfriend’s_ window after patrolling the streets. seriously, who _knows_ what might happen if a _villain_ saw you?”

goblin laughs evilly, noticing peter’s masked eyes get smaller. _hm..maybe he’s glaring behind the mask?_ “once i found out who she was it was easy to connect the dots, parker. seriously, wouldn’t it be a shame if your enemies got their _hands_ on your _girl?_ ” he lets out a chilling laugh, releasing his grip on peter when he throws him to the nearest wall.

peter lets out a loud grunt, his back hitting the brick-hard wall and creating some cracks. as he starts to fall after hitting the wall, he shoots his webs aimlessly, trying desperately to ease his fall. one of his webs stick to a fire escape, ceasing peter’s fall to the ground. he lets out a sigh of relief, only to be replaced with a cry as goblin’s glider passes by with blades out, cutting peter on his side. his grip on the web comes undone and gravity does its job, pulling peter to the ground with such force that will surely leave a mark both on peter and the ground.

“oh pete, pete! let’s come to an agreement, yeah?” goblin says, landing right next to peter. he kicks peter’s side, emitting a guttural sound from peter. “you stop meddling in my business and your precious y/n is safe. how does that sound?”

 _“peter, would you like me to enable the rapid-fire webs?”_ karen’s voice sounds out inside peter’s mask, not audible to goblin.

“please!” peter whispers, trying not to alert goblin. he clears his throat, facing goblin again. “i-i don’t know a y/n!” peter exclaims as he attempts to stand up, only to yell in pain.

“c’mon pete, don’t be like that! each night you stop by her window, either to check up on her and if patrolling went bad, to get patched up.” goblin states, rolling his eyes.

“don’t drag her into this! she can’t- she hasn’t done anything to you!”

“then perhaps you shouldn’t have interfered! it’s a shame that you’ve thrown that pretty girl into thi-” goblin is thrown back, cutting him off as webs rapidly hit his chest, distracting him.

“thanks, karen.” peter whispers as he continues to shoot webs, finally gaining the strength to stand up.

“you just don’t know when to give up, do you?” goblin snarls as his glider flies behind him, sweeping his feet onto the sturdy glider. he flies up, pulling out a pumpkin bomb from his pocket. he chucks it, sending it hurdling at peter full speed.

peter quickly drops to the ground, avoiding getting hit. the bomb hits a wall, creating debris all over. he uses his webbing to grab a large piece of metal, knocking him off his glider.

“now you’re just making me angry!” goblins snaps as his glider catches him before he hits the ground. “i wouldn’t do that if i were you.”

“look, emerald elf, i don’t know if you’ve ever been in a fight before, but there’s usually not this much talking,” peter calls out as he jumps into the air, landing right next to goblin on his glider. both start to combat in the air, causing the glider to become unbalanced. goblin lands an uppercut, fazing peter just enough for goblin to get an advantage. he pushes peter off the glider, watching as peter falls to the ground.

“hit a nerve with your girlfriend, huh? pathetic little superhero, you’re never going to be as good as stark, boy. you’ve made a huge mistake in messing with me.” goblin jeers, before zooming away on his glider.

peter takes off his mask, gasping for air. he flinches from the sudden movement, throwing his head back. he catches his breath before reaching for his phone, only to see he has ten missed calls and multiple messages from you. he curses under his breath once re remembers he was supposed to help you with the chemistry project you both were assigned. “damnit,” he mutters as he calls you back, hoping you’d answer.

 _“hello? peter?”_ your voice rings out through the speaker, immediately making peter sigh in relief.

“hey, y/n. baby, look, i’m sorry that i-”

_“it’s okay, peter. i finished the project for both of us.”_

“y/n-”

 _“babe, it’s fine. it’s not the first time you don’t show up, and it sure as hell probably won’t be the last. just...just drop it.”_ peter hears you sigh and guilt forms in his stomach. _i should’ve called before i went on patrol._

“i’m sorry, i really am, i just, i had to-”

 _“peter, i said it’s fine. i love you.”_ you hang up, not waiting for peter to respond.

peter can hear the disappointment and exhaustion in your voice, making him wince. groaning, he puts back on his mask, getting up from the ground. he starts swinging towards your apartment, ignoring all the pain shooting through his body.

a tapping sound on your window startles you, making you jump from the sudden and unexpected noise. you walk cautiously towards your window, squinting to see what had made the tapping noise this late. a soft _thwip_ relaxes you, seeing the corner of your window suddenly covered by a web. _it’s just spidey._

smiling, you slide up your window, opening it. you poke your head out, looking for the familiar blue and red-clad. “hey, spidey,” you greet him as you spot him sitting on the fire escape that was right next to your window. there’s no response from him, making you frown. a bad feeling settles in your stomach as you step out, climbing onto the fire escape.

“hey, are you okay?” you ask as you sit right next to him. you poke his arm gently, pouting. “spidey?” your pout turns into a frown as you hear his labored breaths. you can tell his breathing is becoming uneven, making you even more worried.

you notice that both of his hands are covering his side, seeming pressing into something. you cautiously move his hands away from his side, immediately noticing the crimson liquid covering the palms of his masked hands.

“holy shit, what did you get into today?” you whisper. although it wasn’t your first time seeing him injured, this was the first you saw this amount of blood from one injury. “c’mon, let’s get you inside.”

he slowly gets up, limping as he enters your room through the window, with you right behind. he doesn’t speak a word, trying to control his labored breaths. you gesture to him to sit on your bed, not really caring if it got dirty. he hesitantly sits down and waits while you get the first aid kit. peter looks across the room, his eyes landing on the collage of polaroids of you and him on your wall. fairy lights and green fines surround the pictures, adding a warm glow and coziness to them. he smiles behind his mask, the memories of each polaroid flooding his memory.

“here, you might want to bite down on this. this might sting, like a lot.” your voice brings peter back to reality, taking the towel you were holding in your hands before placing it in his mouth. he bites down on it, ready for the sting.

you pour some alcohol on the wound, his blood, and some dirt trickling down his suit. he lets out a whimper, his eye lenses shutting at the stinging pain.

“i’m sorry, i couldn’t get some water. it would have woken up my parents and this was the closest thing.” you apologize as you finish cleaning his wound, doing your best not to flinch at the sight of blood. your lips turn into a slight pout as you take in his shaken state. you take out the towel from his mouth, wiping his hands off on the towel. it successfully gets rid of the sticky, dark red liquid.

“almost done…” you mutter as you bandage his wound, making sure you’re applying the right amount of pressure and tightness to stop the bleeding. “there! you’re all good now. are there any more wounds i don’t know about?” you tease, trying to lift up the mood. you look up, meeting his white eye lenses. you had always wondered what his eyes looked like, if they were full of happiness and liveliness or if they were dull and sad.

“do you want to tell me what happened? seems like it was a hell of a fight.”

he shakes his head, clearly not wanting to speak about it. _fine by me_ , you think, leaving it at that.

a couple of seconds pass in comfortable silence before he speaks up. “you must really love your boyfriend, huh?”

his question takes you by surprise, making your eyes widen. you shake the surprise off, before answering him. “yeah, i really do. why do you ask?”

“it shows. in those polaroids, i mean. you two seem really happy.”

“yeah, usually.” you sigh, dropping your gaze to your hands.

“something the matter?” he asks, noticing your mood drop.

“it’s just that i feel like peter is hiding something from me. i don’t know what it is, but i just have this _feeling_ that he is. i hope he knows that i’m here for him and he shouldn’t feel that he needs to hide anything from me. he’s been acting a bit differently ever since…” your eyebrows furrow as you realize something. you feel spiderman shift in place and you look up at him again.

“ever since what?” peter’s heart starts to race, wondering if you’ve made the connection between him and spiderman. _she’s smart but i was super careful...well, apparently not as careful if goblin found out._

you shake your head, clearing your mind of the idea. “nothing, never mind. i just wish he’d stop lying to me. i _know_ he’s lying to me when he doesn’t show up to whatever we agreed to do. i tell him it’s fine, but it hurt. it hurts that he won’t tell me what’s going on!” you let your pent-up frustration out, trusting the red and blue hero.

“i love him, i really do! i just, i don’t know what to do anymore,” your eyes are now brimming with tears, making peter flinch as he notices your teary eyes. guilt flows through him again, wishing he could go back in time and avoid all of this.

“shit, my bad, sorry, i wasn’t planning to rant and cry to you over my dumb problems.” you chuckle sadly, wiping the stray tears that had left your eyes.

“it’s okay to cry, you know? don’t apologize for it, especially when your feelings are valid,” peter pauses, before going for it. “i’m sure he has a good reason why he’s not telling you everything.”

“maybe,” you raise an eyebrow up, before shrugging. “it doesn’t seem very likely though.”

“what if he’s doing it to protect you?” he suggests, immediately flinching when you get up from the bed.

“what? why would you say that? protecting me? protecting me from _what,_ exactly?”

“nothing, forget it, forget it!” peter waves his hands, shaking his head. _i shouldn’t have said that!_ “i didn’t mean anything from that.”

“that is such _bullshit_!” you feel yourself start to get angry, not understanding why spiderman would say something like that. “wait. do you know something i don’t know?” you walk up closer to him, accusing him with a glare.

“n-no! i don’t even know him.” peter’s lenses widen as his heart rate begins to pick up again.

your eyes narrow, glaring at him for a couple of seconds. then, your face relaxes having decided he most likely just wanted to help you out. “you’re right, you don’t. sorry that i exploded on you like that,” you mutter, a soft pink covering your cheeks as you flush from embarrassment. _i just freaked out on spiderman! why would i do that? he’s just trying to help._

“it’s okay. but, uh, i have to go. it’s getting late and you have school tomorrow, right?” peter stands up, flinching from his injury. one of his hands immediately flies up to his bandaged wound, trying to make himself more stable.

you frown, not missing his limp as he walks. “are you sure? you’re limping. you might have some trouble swinging.”

“don’t worry!” he waves you off, “i really should get going. sleep well and take care!” he swings out the window, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

“you too, spidey.”

the following day, peter isn’t at school. you search the hallways for him, but he’s nowhere to be found. he doesn’t show up for any of his classes and doesn’t answer your messages or calls. you ask ned at lunch, but ned tells you he hasn’t heard from him either. anxiety starts to take over you, knowing that it was _very_ unusual for peter to miss school.

while you’re in chemistry presenting yours and peter’s project, peter is swinging across the city, following the tracker he had put on goblin’s glider last night. peter had been waiting for goblin to say in one place, and this morning he received his wish. goblin was now at a warehouse on the outskirts of the city.

_“peter, are you sure you want to do this?”_ karen asks, knowing about the threat that goblin had made to peter about interfering with him.

“karen, just show me the fastest route. i need to finish this.” peter replies harshly, not having slept very well last night. his injury had mostly healed thanks to y/n, but it was still bothering him slightly.

minutes later, he lands with a _thump_ on the warehouse’s rooftop. the rooftop gives out, surprising peter as it sends him tumbling down towards the concrete floor.

“ah, shit!” peter groans, grabbing his aching side.

_“peter, i have analyzed the building and there’s nothing in here.”_

“what? karen, are you sure?” peter asks as he stands up, glancing everywhere. _no, that doesn’t seem right._ a loud explosion from behind startles peter, as he immediately goes into a defensive stance.

“i have to admit, it was smart of you to put a tracker on my glider, kid,” goblin sneers as he flies in from the opening his explosion had made. “but did you really think i was that stupid to lead you to my base?”

“honestly, yeah,” peter smirks as he sees goblin visibly flinch at the insult. “but now that there’s clearly nothing here, i’ve come to make a deal.”

 _“peter, no. rethink this.”_ karen’s voice rings out in alarm, but peter ignores her.

after peter had left your apartment last night, he had broken down in tears, his hands gripping his hair as his frustrations over the threat overwhelmed his thoughts. during that sleepless night, he had come to an impulsive conclusion of making a deal with goblin to keep you safe, even if it destroyed him from the inside.

“a deal? you’ve piqued my interest. go on.” goblin says, his attention fully on peter.

“if i- if i break up with y/n, do you promise to leave her alone?” peter stutters as he tries to keep his voice as emotionless as he can.

goblin tilts his head, confused at his request. “how would that benefit me?”

“if i break up with her, it’ll leave me so devastated that i won’t have the energy to come after you.”

“wouldn’t it just be easier just to not interfere with me?” goblin asks, clearly taken back by peter’s explanation. when peter doesn’t answer, goblin sighs and shrugs. “whatever. sure, kid. just don’t interfere.” he hisses, his mind confused as to why peter would make such a useless deal.

peter uses goblin’s distraction to shoot his webbing at a loose rod on the worn-out warehouse ceiling. the rod falls, hitting goblin’s back. it makes him lose his balance, but his glider quickly flies under his feet, steadying him again. he dodges peter’s rapid webs, only fueling goblin’s anger.

“this is getting old,” goblin snaps, flying out through an opening on the ceiling. peter follows him out, only to lose him in the busy city.

peter swears loudly, frustrated with himself as he starts to head home. the wind flows with him, as if they were one, creating a warm feeling that comforts peter’s low spirits of his situation.

he finally arrives home, entering through the window in his room. aunt may’s homemade pizza aroma fills his room, the faint smell of bacon and her unique dough smelling like a bakery, the creamy, gooey, the smell of cheese, and the zesty smell of pepperoni making his stomach grumble with hunger. taking off his suit, he jumps back into his pajamas and bed, pretending he’d been asleep. he felt bad for lying to aunt may about feeling ill, but it wasn’t entirely false. he felt tired and lost. his injury still hurts, only adding to the weight on his shoulders.

“hey, peter, are you feeling better?” aunt may asks outside of his door, softly knocking. she opens the door, seeing peter completely enveloped in blankets, his face seemingly glistening with sweat.

“yeah, aunt may. i’m feeling a bit better, thank you. did you call the school letting them know i was going to miss out today?” peter asks tiredly, rubbing his eyes.

“well, of course, i did peter. are you sure you’re feeling okay?” she asks, puzzled at peter’s absentmindedness. _he’s not feeling well at all, is he? he’s usually sharp. i should go get a cool towel and put it on that forehead of his._

“yeah, i’m feeling okay. i think i just need to rest more.” peter gives his aunt a forced smile, not really wanting to talk.

aunt may shoots him a questioning look before dropping it, leaving the room. “i’ll be back with medicine and a wet towel. i think you’re coming down with a fever.”

peter hums, watching her leave. his phone buzzes, alerting him of a new message. he opens his phone, looking at all his notifications. there are various messages from you and ned and even two from mj. he turns off his phone, ignoring the messages, not bothering to open them up. he knows it’s shitty of him to ignore you, especially after what you told him (well, spiderman) last night. _everything is too much,_ peter thinks, feeling overwhelmed. _especially because of what i’m about to do._ he knows it’ll not only hurt you but him too.

he falls asleep to the soft rumble of thunder, unknowing of the storm that was about to commence.

you were shifting in your seat, feeling impatient as you wait for the bell to ring and set you free. peter hadn’t replied to any of your calls or messages and ned and mj had received the same result. you felt angry but mostly anxious, as peter never ignored you. what felt like hours were only minutes as the bell finally rang throughout the school, signaling the end of school. you shove your way through the students crowding the hallways, not caring when they grumbled at you. you rush to your car, wanting to speed your way to peter’s home. at a stoplight, you get an incoming call from aunt may. assuming the worst, you answer immediately.

“aunt may? is everything okay?” you ask rapidly, putting her on speaker as you start driving again once the light turns green.

_“oh, hey y/n! yeah, yeah, everything is okay! i was just calling to see if you could do me a favor.”_

you sigh in relief, glad that everything is okay. _thank god._

“yeah, aunt may, of course! what is it?”

_“well, could you pass by today? peter is sick and he seems really down. i was thinking that maybe if i got you to come visit he’ll cheer up! he hasn’t gotten up from his bed all morning.”_

“oh! that’s why he hasn’t been answering my calls or messages! i was really worried all day. but yes, i’ll make sure to pass by, aunt may. i was actually heading that way already!”

_“thank you, dear! you’re an angel. see you in a bit, drive safe!”_

you smile as she hangs up, turning left on a road. _what was i so worried about?_

it doesn’t take long before you arrive, but it takes you a couple of minutes to find a parking spot. _stupid new york._ you end up parking a bit far away from peter’s home, but you don’t mind. you soon arrive at the door, knocking quietly.

“aunt may? hello? it’s me, y/n.”

no answer.

you begin to knock again, this time knocking a bit louder. a disheveled peter opens the door, his eyes widening when he sees it’s you.

 _he looks like shit._ you feel guilty for being so mad at him all day. you give him a smile, waving. “hey, peter! aunt may called me and told me you were sick, so i passed by the store and brought you some chocolate ice cream! i know it’s your favorite.” you beam, passing by peter to set the ice cream down on the countertop. the countertop has a sticky note from aunt may, letting you know that she had gone to the store to buy some medicine for peter.

“i thought you were ignoring me the entire day, to be honest, but you were just sick! you should’ve just told me you weren’t feeling good,” you ramble, pouting as you take out two bowls and two spoons, knowing your way around the parker’s kitchen. _i’m over way too often,_ you think as you easily find them.

“i was actually driving over here when she called me. i can’t believe i was about to go off on you, parker!” your laugh resonates through your body, filling the room with happiness. “although i’m not amused that i had to present our chemistry project by myself,” you joke, sticking your tongue out at him.

“i’m sorry,” peter replies, his eyes avoiding yours.

“it’s okay! now let’s eat some of that ice cream, yeah?” you grin at him, serving yourself some of the creamy goodness.

peter observes you, your happiness filling the apartment, like rays. _it’s like she’s the sun._ everything suddenly seemed brighter and more optimistic, as you smile and giggle at the ice cream melting on your tongue. you always lifted his mood up, but this time it was just making it harder for him. he felt guilty, guilty about lying to your face. he felt guilty for not telling you he was spiderman all those nights he went to your room as spiderman. he felt guilty for not loving you the way that he should, the way you deserve. he loved you, _oh god,_ he loved you so much it hurt. but it would hurt him even more if you ever got hurt because of him. clearing his throat and making up his mind, he lets the words he’d never thought he’d say, come out.

“it’s over,” he says shakily, his heart pounding against his ribcage. he lifts his gaze up, watching as you freeze, ice cream still in your spoon as you were about to put in your mouth.

“what? peter, what are you talking about?”

**_as the smile fell from your face, i fell with it,_ **

**_our faces blue._ **

****

“ _us._ this t-thing we have. it’s over. i’m breaking up with you, y/n.”

that last sentence makes your spoon drop to the ground, making a clunking noise as it hits the ground, the ice cream spilling all over your shoes

“peter, n-no, you can’t be serious. is this a joke? ‘cause it isn’t funny. are you sure you’re feeling okay, i can call aunt ma-” your hands shake as you search his face, trying to find any signs that he was just messing with you.

“i said it’s over. i don’t love you, not anymore.” he says calmly, his voice sounding cold and distant.

 _this isn’t the peter i know._ you scoff, your anger from earlier resurfacing. “you don’t love me? are you serious? peter, i love you! what do you mean you don’t love me?”

“it’s really not that hard to grasp, y/n. i just don’t love you anymore, simple as that.” peter says harshly, making you flinch. it surprises even him, not having meant to sound that mean.

“no, you don’t get to tell me that!” you walk up to peter, not noticing the way peter flinches when you get closer. you jab your finger on his chest, punctuating each word. “ _not_ when i’ve been so patient with you not showing up last minute! _not_ when these past couple of days i’ve been worried sick about you! _not_ when you spent all day ignoring me! _not_ when you started keeping things hidden from me, peter!” your hand now rests on his chest, pushing him in anger. “has this past year not mean anything to you? have i not proven to you that you can trust me and count on me? i love you, peter!” your voice cracks as you rant, tears falling down on your cheeks as your mind tries to make sense of everything that is happening.

**_there’s a heart stain on the carpet,_ **

**_i left it, i left it with you._ **

**_yeah, the truth is that i’m sorry,_ **

****

“i’m sorry, but you should leave. i have things to do. this thing is over.” peter gulps, his heartbreaking as he sees you break down.

“peter, you’re worrying me. what the fuck do you mean, ‘this thing’? _thing?_ so our relationship is only a _thing_? can you even hear yourself right now? this isn’t you!” your hands still, resting on his chest as you try to calm your breathing.

**_though i told you not to worry,_ **

**_it’s just some don’t care._ **

**_trying to kid myself_ **

**_that i got my shit together._ **

****

“don’t worry about me, i just don’t love you anymore. i’m completely fine. this is me, y/n. you just don’t want to accept the fact that i’m breaking up with you.”

every word that peter says hits you like a truck as your cries get louder, feeling like the whole world has crashed down on you. _it has, he’s your world._

**_so go get running, won’t you hurry_ **

**_while it’s light out, while it’s early_ **

****

“it’s getting late, i’d suggest going home already. the forecast said the storm this evening would be bringing a lot of rain.”

**_before i start to miss, any part of this_ **

****

“are you shitting me, parker? are you seriously talking to me about the weather right now?” you retort angrily, your hands shaking against his chest. he hadn’t moved at all, not even your hands.

he avoids looking at you, in fear that he’ll want to take back everything he’s just said. he wants to scream ‘i love you’, but he can’t. the damage has been done.

**_and change my mind whatever._ **

****

“what happened to everything we had planned? peter, you said you _loved_ me yesterday! not just 24 hours ago you were holding me in your arms, telling me i was the love of your life!” you’re shaking now, your head already pounding from all the overwhelming emotions you are feeling.

**_i say i wanna settle down_ **

**_build your hopes up like a tower._ **

****

“i’m sorry that i got your hopes up. i just found someone else. what are you waiting for? just go! find someone that will _actually_ love you.” his brain screams for him to stop, his heart begging for him to shut up. he knows that his words are hurting you even more, but he has to keep you safe. _i have to._

“that’s _bullshit_! i have no idea what the fuck is wrong with you, but i hope you fix it!” you yell at him, seeing red.

“hey, you’re the one still here.” _shut up, shut up, shut up!_ “i’d say that you’re the one that has something wrong with them.”

you freeze again, more hurt flashing through your eyes. if you had been paying attention, you would’ve seen a flash of regret on peter’s face. “fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!” you push him, grabbing your phone you had set on the table. you start to walk towards the exit, feeling completely hurt. you stop right before, exiting the door, wiping your tears from your face. “you know, parker, i thought you were different. just turns out that you’re a complete asshole too. don’t bother ushering me out, i can do it myself.” you say coldly, leaving the apartment and slamming the door.

if you had been facing him, you would’ve seen peter’s tears rolling down his cheeks.

**_i’m giving you the run around_ **

****

he watches you leave, his heart heavy. tears escape his eyes, opening a whole water dam as tears gush down his face. _it’s for the best,_ he reminds himself. _it’s the best decision in order to keep y/n safe._ he knows it’s complete bullshit, but at least now he won’t have to worry about you finding out his identity. he sits down, curling his up into a fetal position, sobs wracking his body.

**_i’m just a lost boy._ **

****

“peter? i just ran into y/n outside and she was a complete mess. what happ-” aunt may rushes to peter’s side as soon as she hears his sobs, consoling him as he leans into her touch. she whispers sweet nothings, her mind trying to figure out what occurred.

minutes later, peter’s calmed down and may has made some chamomile tea. “here you go. feeling better?” may asks as she hands peter his cup of tea.

peter nods, managing a faint smile as he accepts the cup.

“i’m not going to push you into telling me what happened, but i just want to let you know that i’m here for you. whatever it was that you just did, i hope it’s what you really wanted,” may says softly, pressing a gentle kiss to peter’s forehead. she ruffles his messy hair, letting him drink the tea. once he’s finished with his tea, may walks away, leaving peter alone.

that night, peter can’t sleep. guilt and remorse chew at him, knowing that what he did probably wasn’t the best for either of you. but his mind insisted that it was, that it was the only way to keep you safe.

you, however, had cried yourself to sleep, your room a mess from throwing and sliding things off your desk to let out your hurt. your family had been concerned but they knew it was best to let you calm down before approaching you.

the collage of polaroids that had once decorated your wall was now on the floor, scattered. half an hour before, you had waited for spidey to show up, wanting to vent to him as he had become someone of trust even though you didn’t know his name. once you realized he wasn’t going to show up, you slipped between the blankets on your bed, silent tears lulling you asleep.

peter puts his suit on before stealthily opening his window, carefully swinging out. he swings his way to your apartment, ignoring the rain pelting down on him as he quietly approaches your window, noticing it was open. his heart plummets as he realizes you probably had been waiting for him to show up like every other night.

**_i don’t care much for locks on the window_ **

****

he closes his eyes, taking in a deep breath before entering your room, climbing on your walls. he crawls to your ceiling, going above your bed. _she looks so peaceful asleep._ it reminds him of the first time he had gone into your room.

_you had looked so peaceful, swaying your body to the sound of the song playing on your bluetooth speaker. the warm summer wind was softly swaying the curtains of your window, adding to the peaceful vibe. a crashing noise had made you jump, making you scream when you had seen spiderman trying to pick up things he had knocked down from your desktop._

_“oh my god! oh my god! i’m so sorry! i thought this was my friend’s apartment! i’m so sorry miss!” his eyes had opened wide, realizing he had just barged into a random girl’s room. he had been swinging carelessly to ned’s, not paying attention that the window he had just gone into wasn’t ned’s. you had started laughing amused by spiderman’s obvious embarrassed state. your laugh was contagious, making peter’s stomach do flips, his heart swelling at how beautiful you looked._

_“w-what’s your name?” peter had asked nervously, hoping you wouldn’t think he was a creep for barging through your window._

_“i’m y/n, what’s your name?” you had replied, beaming like the summer sun. it made you practically glow._

_“that’s a beautiful name, y/n,” peter liked the way your name rolled off his tongue. “and i can’t tell you my name, but i’m spiderman and i’m sincerely sorry for entering like that.”_

_you had brushed it off as nothing, turning red from asking what his name was._

_after that day, the daily visits from spidey began, and peter noticed you in the school’s packed hallways. soon enough, he got the courage to talk to you, which would lead to a friendship that soon blossomed to a relationship._

**_to keep me at bay_ **

****

snapping back to reality, he pushes down the memories, allowing himself to one last thing.

**_i leave you one last kiss on your pillow_ **

****

he softly drops down to the floor, landing quietly. he pulls up the bottom half of his mask, leaning in to give you a kiss on your forehead. he whispers a soft _“i love you”,_ a tear slipping down his face. he quickly pulls the bottom half of his mask down, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in, before exiting out your window towards the night sky.

**_‘fore i fly away_ **

**_not ready to be found._ **

****

friday. a week had passed already passed since your breakup with peter. lunches had become awkward since both of you shared the same friend group. no one asked what happened, not wanting to cause more unease. ned had been on the verge of asking when mj had nudged him, shaking her head ‘no’. peter hadn’t said anything to you since then and you didn’t bother trying to talk things through with him

 _what would i even say? it’s clear he doesn’t want me._ your heart felt heavy with anguish, the unexpected breakup between the two of you really taking a focus on your sleep and mental health. it didn’t help that spiderman had stopped visiting you, leaving you alone with your hurtful thoughts at night. you couldn’t concentrate on anything, your mind blanking out several times throughout the week. _am i that dependent on peter?_ no. your absentmindedness was mainly the symptom of you trying to find out what had gone wrong. _what did i do to bring this breakup on?_ feeling frustrated and angry, you decided that enough is enough and you were going to get answers this friday evening.

peter had been repressing his emotions by focusing excessively on his late-night patrols. he couldn’t sleep at night, nightmares and restlessness not letting him. something was bugging him. _what, though?_ he figured that if he went on late-night patrols it would tire him out. it didn’t work all week, but it helped him discover that the green goblin was on the move again, planning to have a heist.

so here he is, dashing out the school’s front doors, leaping over fences to arrive at the location the heist was going to take place. _i have to hurry before it’s too late!_

as soon as the bell rang, you jump out of your seat, jogging outside to find peter. you had seen peter the period before, hoping to catch him before he went home. you spot him running across the street before dashing into a dark alley. _what the fuck?_ sighing, you go to your car, turning it on, and driving home.

after dinner, you turn on the tv, plopping down on the couch. you’re ready to get some rest after doing two hours of rigorous homework. while changing channels, a breaking news headline catches your attention, the news reporter in front of the crime scene babbling about the incident. _“green goblin heist stopped by spiderman.”_ the headline reads.

turning up the volume, you listen in to the details. apparently, the green goblin was planning to steal some new technology and medicine from the new company, _quant technologies._ spiderman had thwarted goblin’s heist just in time, saving the company a close $2.2 million. The nypd chief was now talking about how this heist that had been planned for weeks and thanking spiderman for the help.

unfortunately, they didn’t capture goblin but alerted civilians to keep an eye out for him. _so that’s why he didn’t show up this week. makes sense. i should make him some cupcakes to congratulate him on stopping it!_ this puts a smile on your face, turning off the tv as soon as it the news anchors had begun discussing if spiderman is still a threat to the city.

minutes pass, and your stubborn natures get the best of you. you get up, starting to head out as you grab your coat and phone. you start to head towards peter’s apartment, walking there. you figured that if you couldn’t get ahold of peter, you could still talk to aunt may. she was like another mother to you and you missed talking to her.

peter didn’t live that far, his apartment being a few blocks from yours. the weather was gloomy, gray clouds decorating the sky. some rain droplets had begun falling down, but not enough to call it a rainstorm. you get an unsettling feeling, but you shake it off, shaking your head.

however, as you continue walking down the street, your heart begins to hammer, your hands getting sweating. you feel as if you are being followed. you stop, turning your head to look back. you see a man in dark clothing lurking behind you, stopping in his steps once he sees you turn around.

you continue walking, trying to calm your breathing. you glance behind you quickly, hoping that the man had gone away. no such luck. _he isn’t even trying to hide the fact that he’s following me!_ the man now seems to be walking faster, definitely showing that he didn’t care that you knew that he was following you. with trembling hands and a pounding heart, you dial peter’s phone number, hoping he’ll pick up. it rings four times, the fifth time taking you to voicemail. you call again, your legs speeding up as you try to run towards his apartment. “c’mon peter, pick up, pick up, pick up!”

no answer.

you leave a voicemail, and another, and another, hoping that he’ll answer. you’re so distracted by the voicemails that your feet slip, sending you tumbling over. you’re losing time that you can’t afford, your phone landing some feet away. you quickly get up, cold sweat trickling down your face. before you can continue running, a hand slaps your mouth with a cloth that has an odor so strong you start to feel your surroundings fade away. you struggle against the man’s embrace, kicking and trying to scream with no avail. you feel yourself slowly slip into unconsciousness, your eyes slipping shut.

peter arrives home, greeting aunt may with a kiss on the cheek. “well, you sure do seem cheerful today!” she pipes, smiling at peter’s change of mood.

“yeah! something finally worked me, may!” peter beams, walking to his room. he had gone to ned’s to chat about his success in stopping the heist and it had taken a while to get back home. although he is upset over goblin getting way, he knew that it was still a win. his phone buzzes, alerting him of a message.

opening it, he notices the message is from you. “what the hell?” he mutters, seeing that he also had ten voicemails from you from several minutes earlier.

_**y/n:** i told you not to mess with me, parker. i have y/n here, poor thing was trembling with fear when she tried to reach your apartment. didn’t get that far and now i’m keeping her company. if you want to see her alive, meet me at the construction site near delmar’s sandwich shop in 5 minutes. don’t make me wait._

peter lets out a strangled cry, grabbing his suit as fast as he can, his knees feeling weak. _i’m so stupid, so stupid!_ how could he think that just because he broke up with her, she’d be safe? he opens his window, not bothering to remain subtle. his heart is pounding as he swings from building to building, wind breezing past him.

his spidey sense is screaming, alerting him that y/n is in danger. he finally arrives at the construction site, looking desperately for y/n.

“karen, send out spider-drone.” peter orders, swinging from pole to pole in order to cover more space.

_“okay, peter. sending out the reconnaissance drone.”_

peter swings from left to right, searching for y/n. it doesn’t help that the gloomy weather is making everything darker than usual.

_“peter! y/n’s up on the top floor.”_

“thanks, karen.” peter says, sighing in relief. he crawls as fast as he can to the top floor, his heart speeding with the mere thought of goblin hurting y/n. but nothing could prepare him for what he was about to witness.

“parker, over here! c’mon, you idiot!” goblin shouts as peter reaches the top floor. peter’s eyes scan the perimeter, looking for y/n.

“where is she!” peter yells, storming towards goblin, anger coursing through his body.  
“calm down, parker. she’s right here.” goblin makes a signal, and someone comes out from behind him. it was the man that had been following y/n. he throws y/n on the floor, leaving at once.

“y/n!” peter cries, running towards your unconscious body. “what did you do to her? i swear-”

goblin stops peter from getting to you, throwing a device that envelops peter in webbing. “she’s fine, parker, she’s just unconscious. but that won’t last.” he smirks, walking backward to grab your arm.

“what do you mean?” peter asks angrily, trying to get out of the webbing that has him grounded.

at the touch of goblin’s hand, your eyes flutter open, confused. he lifts you up, making you stand.

“wha-where am i? let me go!” you croak out, starting to feel panicked again.

“y/n!”

“s-spiderman? what are you doing here?” you ask, confused.

“oh, she doesn’t know?” goblin asks, amusement in his tone. he smirks, holding back a laugh.

“i-i don’t know what? what’s going on?” you stutter, your arm starting to hurt from the grip goblin has on you.

“shut up, shut up, shut up! i’m here! you wanted me, not her! let her go, goblin! she has _nothing_ to do with this!” peter pleads, his hands together in prayer.

“oh, she has everything to do with this! i warned you,, i warned you multiple times that if you interfered with my business again she would get hurt!” goblin snarls, pulling out a green trident. he points at peter with his trident, focusing your attention to him. “see here, y/n. why do you think spiderman knew you so well?”

your stomach flips as your mind starts to put the pieces together.

goblin walks towards spiderman, who is now squirming, yanking the mask off him, exposing a disheveled peter.

“p-peter?” you ask in disbelief, your heart pounding as everything starts to make sense. “y-you’re spiderman? why did you never tell me?”

“i-i wanted to keep you safe,” he replies, guiltily looking down. _but i obviously fucking failed._

the truth hits you like bricks, but a stinging pain on your back brings you out of your daze.

“enough with these feelings! it’s time, parker. you took away a lot from me, and now i’m going to take away what you most cherish.” he walks behind you, making you and peter tense up.

your eyes widen at this, realization hitting both you and peter at the same time.

“no, no, no! don’t do this please! _please!_ green goblin, i’m begging you please don’t hurt her!”

“i told you to come quickly to see her alive. i never said i was going to _keep_ her alive. let’ see how much of a hero you truly are, peter parker!” goblin cackles as the trident meets the soft, pudgy flesh of your back, making a satisfying _squish_ as the tip of the blade sinks deep enough to make you scream.

peter’s screams in the background, his arms struggling to get out from the webbing. his eyes are wide with horror, tears falling down his eyes nonstop. he sobs out your name, trying to escape the webbing.

your skin was torn to shreds as the trident rotates, the three tips of the trident forming three different cuts. tears spill from your eyes as the pain becomes too hard to bear, pulling a pained whimper from your lips. then, without warning, goblin jerks it all the way into your back, the shiny green metal coming out through the front. you look down, seeing the trident that has now impaled you. you feel yourself choke up blood, letting out a chocked-out cry.

goblin drops you, peter continuing to scream with fear, your knees giving out on you. goblin zooms away with an evil laugh just as peter rips free from the webs. he yells, running as fast he can to you. his knees give out next to your fallen body, pulling you into his arms.

“oh, no, i’ve been impaled,” you mutter, not noticing peter’s flinch at your joke.

“no, no, no! y/n please, baby, please stay awake! i can’t lose you, i can’t…” he whispers, tears bursting from his eyes, his voice cracking. your breathing becomes heavy and labored, as you take staggered breaths. you know that you won’t last much longer.

“you’re so handsome, even in tears,” you whisper, giving him a weak smile.

“y/n... i’m sorry, i-i’m sorry for-” he cries as he cups your face, watching you cough up even more blood, splattering over your soft lips and cheeks.

“peter...it’s okay. you’re an idiot, but you’re my favorite idiot...i forgive you,” you let out, your voice becoming fainter.

“i was going to tell you, i swear, but things just didn’t work out,” peter whispers, his thumb caressing your cheek, his eyes red from crying.

“peter, love, i said it’s fine. now promise me something. promise me you won’t seek out vengeance. promise me you’ll move on.”

“i-i can’t keep promises i won’t keep, babe,” he strangles out, using his thumbs to wipe off the tears sliding down your cheeks.

you raise a shaky hand to his cheek, pinching it softly. “and take care of yourself more, you’re starting to look like shit.” you let out a shuddering wheeze, starting to choke on your own blood.

“hey, hey, no, angel, please, no.” peter’s voice cracks as he shakes his head, covering your hand that’s on his cheek with his own hand.

“i...i love yo-” your final breath leaves your bloodied lips as you fade away into the dark void of nothingness. your eyes lose the light peter had loved since he first met you, becoming limp in his hold.

“no! no, y/n, no, don’t leave me! i love you, come back!” he cries, gripping your hand on his cheek. his sobs sound throughout the site, sounding heartbreaking to anyone within earshot. he pulls your body closer to his, dropping your hand, as he sobs into your chest unceasingly, hands clutching at your coat. he’s rocking you, slowly, as his tears soak your t-shirt. he pulls away, his blinking lashes heavy with tears, before he collapses onto your body again, his howls of misery worsening. the pain must have come in waves, minutes of sobbing broken apart by short pauses for recovering breaths, before hurling him back into the outstretched arms of his grief. he's pulled off your body by the police, as one of the officers gives peter his mask to put back on.

“i’m sorry, kid. you have to leave. this is a crime scene.” the same officer informs peter, giving him a look full of sympathy.

that night peter opens your voicemails, listening to all of them. they were the last thing he had of you. he didn’t plan on deleting them, not wanting your voice to become extinct. each voicemail had him feeling a certain way, ones with love, but the most recent ones with guilt and heartbreak from hearing how scared you were when you were being followed.

a week has passed since your death. the school is in mourning, having lost one of its student. your parents had been devasted by the news, your mother passing out from the strong emotion.

peter felt numb, nothing making sense anymore. his dark thoughts constantly made him feel like it was his fault for your death. aunt may was trying her best to let peter know it wasn’t his fault, but it wasn’t working

today is the day of your funeral and the entire school showed up, along with your family. tony had even flown in upon hearing the news, knowing you had been peter’s girlfriend.

“hey, peter, how are you holding up?” tony asks peter as they drive to where your funeral is being held.

“it’s my fault that goblin got to her. i shouldn’t have been such a dumbass, i shouldn’t hav-“ peter’s rambling is cut off by tony slamming his brakes suddenly, making everyone in the car lurch forward. may fixes her glasses, sending a glare to tony.

“peter, it was not your fault. it was no one’s fault except goblin’s. don’t blame that on yourself, you don’t need that on your conscious,” tony states firmly, before pressing on the gas pedal again. the rest of the ride there is driven in silence and no one mentions the silent tears that are going down peter’s face.

they soon arrive and peter starts crying again, his nose and eyes red. “it doesn’t feel real, mr. stark,” peter whimpers, closing his eyes as if that would bring you back.

“i know kid, i know. but now you have to be strong. be strong for her. she wouldn’t like seeing you like this.”

the sun shines brilliantly and the virescent color of the flowers under its glare is offensively bright and cheerful. it was as if they conspired to show peter how the world goes on without you. _it shouldn’t,_ he thinks. _everything should be as grey and foggy as my emotions; it should be cold and damp with silent air. why is it so fucking bright when the sun has fucking died?_ but the birds still sing, and the flowers had bloomed. peter sits in his silent grief, awaiting the start of the funeral service.

it’s time to say the final goodbye to you, everyone surrounding your lowered casket. peter has silent tears sliding down his cheeks, ones he thought he had run out of already.

**_so, what are you waiting for_ **

****

“i’m so sorry i couldn’t love you for more years, god, i’m so sorry for not keeping you safe,” he whispers, throwing a sunflower six feet down. sunflowers were your favorite flowers.

**_‘cause someone could love you more_ **

****

after everyone had given him their condolences, peter sneaks away, removing his black clothing to reveal his spiderman suit.

“karen, activate instant kill.”

_“peter are you sure? mr. stark explicitly ordered me not to activate it.”_

“i don’t care what mr. stark said, karen! fucking activate it!” peter commands, his voice a scary, flat tone.

_“instant kill mode activated.”_

**_i'm just a lost boy, lost boy_ **

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! pls feel free to leave comments w ur thoughts, feelings, criticisms! anything really :) i really appreciate you reading this ! <3
> 
> i have a work in progress rn for my hero academia if any of you are interested! it's tododeku:) feel free to check it out!


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